I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
