So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
