someone get that fucking seahorse.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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