I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
