Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
