so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
