They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
