Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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