I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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