I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
