Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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