So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
