I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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