My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
