____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
