she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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