On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Drake has all the answers
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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