I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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