i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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