I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
