I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
