Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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