I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
