I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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