I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
