Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
