i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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