I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so let's talk penis.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
