Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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