3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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