He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
