If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
