dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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