i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
