why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
