You're so nebulous sometimes
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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