guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
