just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
