i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
