Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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