So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
