My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
well you can't waste a boner
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
