Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
