No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
