new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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