He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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