There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
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walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
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There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I still have a little drunk in my system
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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