my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
These tits shall not be calmed
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