When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
