If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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