Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
