Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Do you still have your period?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
