i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
