Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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