Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
