What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
