Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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