I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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