Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
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Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
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The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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