The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
